English Composition 1
21 October 2016
Walking in Wisdom, Even on Your Wedding Day
As
Christian young adults we need to think about why we do what we do, and make
choices based on our love for God and ever-increasing knowledge of His
perspective. When I was a freshman here
at God’s Bible School, I enrolled in Wisdom Literature with Dr. Brown. I had memorized Proverbs 3:5-8 as a child,
but until taking this class I had not learned that “acknowledge” in verse 6
means “to know”. Verses 5 and 6 would
say this, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own
understanding. In all your ways know Him, and He will make your paths
straight.” (NASB) Dr. Brown emphasized
the importance of the Christian man or woman finding out what God thinks and
what God wants for us in every aspect of our lives. If we are redeemed, we should be internally
motivated to do God’s will, and thus to make the effort to find out what it
is. We have the most wonderful gifts at
our disposal: God’s written Word and God’s Spirit to apply it to our
hearts.
Although
we should seek the Lord’s guidance through His Word for every part of life, I specifically want to talk about one thing:
how we do weddings. When I look around I
observe that the church in America often follows the trends of Western culture
instead of conducting weddings in light of Scriptural wisdom.
American
women know how weddings should be done.
They spend months planning every detail: the venue, the ceremony, the
decorations, the guests, the meal or reception, and the entertainment. The couple creates gift registries and also
expects their friends to throw showers.
They schedule photographers and pay for a feast. The brides choose their best friends to
witness the occasion. For all of the
bridal party there are many special personal preparations to attend to: getting
manicures, pedicures, and tans, having hair done, and laboring to quickly slim
waists! Everyone knows it is the
bride’s special day, and everything should be just right. Americans know how to do weddings, and do it
well.
Perhaps
one would be wise to pause and ask, “This
is all so lovely, but is it appropriate?”
I
believe couples should be asking themselves these questions: What do the
components of our wedding communicate about what we value? What is the focus of the wedding? What motivates us to do these things? What or who is being celebrated? How much is being spent and to what end? Who are we trying to please? Can our own answers to these questions reveal
that God truly is central to our marriage, our wedding, and our hearts? Does our wedding correspond to our profession
of Christ?
Someone
may interject, “Weddings are supposed to
be special! They are only once in a
lifetime! Marriage is important, and
weddings are worth spending extra time and money on.” I think these reasonings are partially
correct, but that there is more to consider if we want to make wise decisions.
First of all, marriage was and
still is God’s idea. He designed the husband and wife’s
relationship to correspond to the relationship between His Son and the Church
(Ephesians 5). I love the way the
Kellers explore this and help us rightly enter the discussion of headship and
submission. “The husband’s authority (like [Christ’s] over us) is never used to
please himself but only to serve the interests of his wife” (241). It’s amazing to think of how Jesus gave
Himself for the Church, and then to think of the responsibility of a husband to
do the same! Christ, as head over the
church, and a husband, as head over his wife, makes the final decisions, and in
doing so, takes responsibility for the consequences (243). The burden is on him. On the other hand, a submissive wife “...is
never to be merely compliant but is to use her resources to empower”
(241). Has not Jesus charged His bride
with many responsibilities to further His Kingdom and glory? Ought not a wife to eagerly assist her
husband in fulfilling his work, by whatever means is appropriate? Truly, marriage is not to be taken
lightly. Thus, I would contend that much
greater attention should be given to becoming the husband or wife God calls us
to be, than in having everything about a particular day exactly to our liking.
Secondly,
I believe a wedding is only the threshold of marriage. Jesus told Nicodemus in John 3:3 that the new
birth is the entrance to the Kingdom of God.
This implies that salvation is essential, but only a doorway to all that
God has for us. In the same way, a
wedding service is both significant and possibly necessary, but is merely a beginning of a couple’s life
together. We must balance our attention
to wedding day arrangements with giving adequate thought to our lifetime of
marriage.
Another
matter of concern I have regarding our present conventions is that so much is
done in a prideful spirit. Maybe it is
the parents of the couple who feel they have to out-do their friends in giving
their children an expensive wedding. Or
perhaps it is the couple, who want to have the most-unique wedding possible,
and go to extreme lengths to impress others.
(It is not that personalized weddings are wrong, but that people’s motivation
can tend to be wrong in this context.)
Throughout the Bible, we see that humility
is precious in God’s sight. Humility
is a right perception of self, others, and God.
It helps me not need to seek others’ applause. It helps me value the things God does, and
find self-worth in Him.
In
a very real sense, humility is the remedy of the selfishness many brides have,
the ones who think Our wedding is my
day. It is all about me and what I want. That all-too-typical attitude is inconsistent
with our goal of being like Jesus. Jesus
was always selfless. Assumably we are endeavoring to live selfless
lives, and we should not make an exception for our wedding day. Also, if we
aren’t self-absorbed in our wedding service, we will have mental energy to
gratefully acknowledge others’ great investment in our lives. We will have time to consider others’
needs. For example, if we consider the
guests’ time precious, we might think
about taking wedding pictures on another day or after every one is gone. Or we could have guests going through the
food line while we are greeting others.
Of course, one must think of all the ramifications and what would be
best for the particular situation, but I think couples can and should be more
considerate of guests.
I
would also contend that humility helps us to honor God while living simply. When I
think of the normal costs of weddings here in the United States, I am
horrified. In a study done by The Knot,
it was found that on average American couples marrying in 2015 spent $32,641
for their weddings (XO Group). How is it
even possible to spend so much for one day’s events? Christians for the most part wouldn’t be
spending so much, but even those who are frugal must guard against too great of
expenditure. The savings of parents and in-laws –maybe even borrowed funds–
could be consumed so quickly.
Where
is the money going? It is paid out to
people and companies for the services they provide, space rental, and various
things from food to clothing and decorations.
As followers of Christ, I believe that our approach to financial
decisions must be based on how God intends for us to spend money. Larry Burkett taught what Jesus did: we must
consider ourselves stewards of what actually belongs to God (40).
In
2 Timothy 6:8, Paul identifies food and covering as two basic human needs
(NASB). I would propose that God
entrusts finances to us primarily for provision of our current and future
needs. In the case of people getting
married, they will soon have housing and food expenses to face. To neglect provision for real future needs
while splurging on an impressive wedding affair would be foolish. On the other hand, it is appropriate to
allocate extra funds for such a special occasion. When Mary poured expensive perfume on Jesus’
feet in John 12, He told us it was not wasted.
Her recipient was utterly worthy of her lavish, extravagant gift. Based on these two perspectives, I would
argue that we should not consume now what God has provided us for later use, as
happens frequently in our culture, but we
should be willing to spend some
money on things that make a wedding special.
In
all of these considerations, I do not present a specific way of conducting
weddings, I only beg each unmarried reader to think Biblically when making their own plans. We should live humbly – even on a wedding
day, be wise with the resources God has entrusted to us, and most importantly,
understand the significance of what marriage pictures. I believe the style of our wedding
celebrations should reflect our Biblical value systems.
Works
Cited
The
Bible. New
American Standard Bible, La Habra: 1996. Print.
Brown, Allan. Wisdom Literature
course, spring semester 2014, God’s Bible School and
College, Cincinnati, OH. Lecture.
Burkett, Larry. Your Finances in Changing Times. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 1975. 40.
Print.
Keller,
Timothy, and Kathy Keller. The Meaning of
Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. New
York: Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 2011. 241-44. Print.
“Wedding Spend Reaches All-Time High
As Couples Look To Make The Ultimate Personal Statement, According To The Knot
2015 Real Weddings Study.” PRNewswire. XO Group, 5 Apr. 2016. Web. 13 Oct. 2016.
